The Long Journey

Oh Lord! It's calling. I can't force it to go away but oh how I wish I could! It's 4:30am and I have to go to the bathroom. I'm in my little cocoon and like an immature butterfly not wanting to spread its wings. Finally, I press the button to sit up and call my roommate in. 

When my roommate walks in, she can see the word "bathroom" spelled out on my phone. "OK" she says. Lisa, my roommate starts searching for the short orthotics. She is struggling to find them, so I point to the bathroom. She reassures me we're going to the bathroom. I know that. The short orthotics are in the bathroom. I desperately want her life to be easy; this is extremely difficult for any caregiver. I smile and spell "shower". She understands that the short orthotics are in the shower. Now that it's been five minutes, we're both functioning fairly normally and have accepted the cold, hard fact that I have to go to the bathroom. Lisa has the patience and kindness of a saint. It's now fifteen minutes later and with my shoes on, we walk to the restroom. 

On the way there, I wonder if men with physical disabilities can just pee in a jar. Can they? Shoot! I would kill for that option right now. 

Lisa sits me down on the toilet. I finally can relieve myself which takes a long time. I always thought this must be satisfying to any caregiver that the amount of effort was worth it. I remember once Genevieve, my little sister drove out to Elmhurst because my caregiver couldn't come and it took under 10 seconds to go to the bathroom and her only response was, "that was not worth it". I empathized with her. 

Lisa walks me back to the bed. I look her in the eyes and say, "thank you". "Anytime" she responds. It was one heck of a journey, but it is over. Falling asleep is the challenge now.  

It's been a difficult month for me. I had a caregiver leave because of a benign brain tumor, two caregivers thought they wanted to take the job but backed out at the last second. I did lose a dear friend and mentor to Multiple Sclerosis. She was and will be a beacon of joy for Elmhurst College. I was incredibly blessed to have her in my life. Dr. Deatra Sullivan-Morgan is why I am a motivational speaker today and every ounce of her kindness will be remembered. Heaven just gained an angel; I'm sure of it.

Love, 
Hannah!